They are the words that have been branded into my mind for the past five years.
Now freed, but they stole my smile and left me with only tears.
My dreams of the future died right before my eyes.
I’m fighting to find my way back, but I’m too weak.
I won’t let her walk this road alone.
I’ll hold on for her. The dark can’t last forever.
Her heart beat keeps time for the rest of my life.
Our fate will not be denied or erased.
It will be beautiful.
“How great your love is for me.” I whisper.
Found, saved, released… freed.
Should I have a smile on my face? I should be happy, right? I’m going home. I’m going to see my family and I’m going to be safe from now on. No more hands touching me. No more bruises to watch fade away from my skin.
But I’m broken, ruined, and worthless. What can I offer them? I’m tainted. Darkness has touched me more times than I can wrap my mind around.
This suburban family doesn’t know what true evil is. I’ve laid beside the devil countless times and he’s turned me black. Inside and out.
The world around me grows louder and I come out of my thoughts, staring at the ground. I turn my head to look for Kanye, who is standing behind me. We just stepped off the plane that brought me home. He’s watching me, again. Each time I glimpse a look at him, my breath catches. He hasn’t changed at all in the last five years. Still the most handsome man I’ve ever laid eyes on. His wild, short blond hair and deep blue eyes that tell me he’s so much more than just a pretty face; his thoughts are always deep and meaningful. His body is still fit and muscular. My head still only comes up to his eye level.
Shouts distract me from my examination. I look around and find my parents sprinting toward me. Across the airstrip not listening to any of the men screaming behind them to stop. My mother drops her handbag, items spilling from it; however, she doesn’t stop to pick it up.
Time slows for just a moment as I watch my parents. My mother’s short brown hair whips in the air. Her eyes wide with tears falling. I can see one of the teardrops hit her red shirt, and there it sits, a lone wet tear, a teardrop for me.
My father’s cheeks are puffing in and out heavily. His arms pumping hard, I watch as each vein pops up as he pulls and pushes his arms backwards and forwards.
I tilt my head to the side. They’re running toward me, to embrace me. To comfort me? How long will it take them to realize their Emily is gone. How long until they realize I’m repulsive. And I will lose them, all over again.
I’m scared of their touch. Light, loving, forgiving.
Oomph!They’ve crashed into me and time sets back to present and harsh reality.
My dad picks me up, circles his arms around my body, and cries into my neck. My mother hugs me from behind. I feel her tears soaking through my shirt.
I’m scared. My chest feels heavy. My heart begins to swell. It expands and the ice around my heart starts cracking, breaking off in tiny pieces.
My mother’s sobs turn into screams at my back and larger pieces of ice break off. I’m left with just a swollen heart, who just let everything in. Pain, suffering, torment, relief, love. I can feel it all and it’s too much. But I can’t turn it off.
My chest starts heaving, but my mouth refuses to open and let out the cries that are now clawing at my lips to let them have a voice. A voice… they’ve never had a voice. Someone who cared what they cried, someone who would fix the hurt they were feeling.
It’s happening. My body melts into my father’s. My eyes sting and blur. Slowly, I open my mouth and there they are. The cries. They’ve gone ignored and unwanted for so long. They are mine. My cries of pain, torment and my relief.
My father jolts at the agonizing sound that’s ripped from my throat. My mother stands back and repeats my name on a whisper.
Hands wrap around me from behind and I know whose they are. The one person who at this moment is going to send me over the edge. Kanye.
I fall into him, his warmth, and strong arms. We collapse to the ground and he holds me to him. My head to his neck and his hand under my knees.
Kanye repeats on a whisper while rocking us on the ground,“I’m sorry. I’m sorry. I’m sorry.”
I continue to let my precious cries go, while the man I love and the man I cried out for so often apologizes for the pain he didn’t inflict. Pain I can see he has inflicted on himself.
I’m letting my pain go and sharing it with the world. Now everyone around me knows just how much agony I’m in. And they’re listening; they will try to help. They can’t. But at least someone cares. That’s all I ever wanted.
If you have read You Loved Me At My Darkest, you know how much Evie likes to take us on a journey filled with angst and heartache. This book is no different. It is Emily’s story, Jake’s sister.
While reading this book, you really understand how low Emily is at this point in her life. The tone is one of desperation and loneliness. For no one can ever truly understood what she went through, except the others in the Collection.
Kanye is the guy we all want. One that never gives up, that fights for us and waits 5 long, agonizing years for us. His determination to bring Emily out of the pit of despair she is in is simply amazing. His patience can rival a saint’s. He shows her what the true meaning of love.
Their story is heartbreaking and endearing. It will show you what some are willing to go through to bring back the person they love from hell. Slowly we see glimpses of the old Emily shining through and while she may forever be changed, the person she has now become is stronger than she ever was.
While I wouldn’t call this overly dark, there are dark elements. I also strongly urge you to read You Loved Me At My Darkest before diving in to this one. It will give you a better understanding of what the girls went through and how tightly their stories are intertwined.
5 amazing stars from me.
Lily Ripped from Heaven, Burned in Hell. Caught and caged in beauty. Beauty comes at a cost. One man holds the key to our survival, to our freedom. Find out how I lived and lost the greatest thing on earth. Love. Jake I didn’t see her coming and that will be my downfall. She will ruin me, take everything from me, and give me everything I can’t have. I can’t help her. I won’t. She is innocence. She is strength. She is my piece of heaven in hell. I’m not letting her go.
Evie is an Australian author whose passion for reading lead her into writing. Evie spends her days writing angsty, heartbreaking love stories and creating happily ever afters. When Evie isn’t writing you can find her reading or spending time with her husband and two children.